All losses are connected - farewell to Roscoe

I have heard this saying many times and felt it too. Today I lost my beloved chocolate cocker spaniel Roscoe. We met at an adoption show for the Cocker Spaniel rescue league in 2000. I picked him right away and was so thrilled to give him a home. I was newly single at the time and had moved into my very first condo in the Adams Morgan area of DC. I needed a new companion and wanted to give a dog a shot who might have otherwise had it rough. Roscoe was a character, very warm and loving and driven by his nose and incredible knack to find FOOD at any moment. He had horrible allergies when I first got him and he kept me up 100s of nights scratching. He is the reason that I met my husband in 2000. I used to walk him around the block and Bradley lived nearby and we saw each other on dog walks. He finally got the nerve to ask me out one night and we have been together through thick and thin ever since. Roscoe had a very hard end of life and I am sad but relieved that he is finally free. He had gone blind a year ago and lost one eye. He had ear infections that just got worse and worse. I know he is in a better place and I would like to send him all the love he gave me over the years. I recall other losses in this moment. Pets - John John, Tina, Babe and even Fritz my hamster from way way back. Also losses of loved ones, friends and acquaintances come to mind - Grandma Marge, Grandpa Fritz, Grandpa Bruce, Mark, Great grandma Mayme, Dave Summers, Walter, David who died 9/11, and countless AIDS fatalities from my circle of friends in the late 80s. All moments are gifts. We are all destined to move on from this place. We don't want to acknowledge this for the most part. But I think real freedom comes from embracing it.

I felt guilty also for a moment today at the vet for being so sad. I was crying over my decrepit old dog. There are people being bombed every day in other parts of this messed up world. But my guilt quickly fled. I can feel their loss too. I can maintain the compassion and human dignity that means in the face of even the most brutal violence and hatred, all souls matter. And for me loss is best dealt with by letting it wash over me like waves. It is ok to have a life where animals are precious. It is not ok that there are people who are so wounded by violence that nothing is precious. My my compassion that Roscoe taught me extend to comfort those victimized by wars, crimes, and hatred near and far.

Peace up Roscoe. I love you.

Music Reviews

Hey gang. I am adding occasional mini music reviews to my site to introduce people to new artists I admire. Without further adieu here is my plug for Hotel Lights' new mini EP goodnightgoodmorning and their debut Hotel Lights in case you missed it. I first found Hotel Lights on cdbaby and downloaded their debut album from iTunes and now I am hooked. I find the goodnightgoodmorning EP to be more of what I liked in the first place. They conjure thick moody melancholy like my favorite band, The Blue Nile, with slightly more traditional alt-pop arrangements. Here's to many more years of Hotel Lights.

Happy post Thanksgiving 2006 everyone. I have gained some pounds this past week and weekend and I don't even eat Turkey. I saw my rents who visited from Ohio and it was a nice visit. My Mom is doing well despite 3 major bouts with Lymphoma, the last resulting in a stem cell transplant over a year ago. Cancer seems to be a bit too rampant in the neighborhood of Cincinnati, Ohio that I grew up in. My grandmother on my Dad's side died of lung cancer when I was three. My mom has been through said bouts, my aunt Nancy has breast cancer that seems to be aggressive, and I have heard countless tales from my mom of friends succumbing to this cancer or that. I did look it up once and it appeared that Cincinnati had a higher incidence rate for some cancers than the general public but there were so many factors that could be involved the study did not make any conclusions about whether it was statistically relevant. I was not planning to write about all this but I am trying not to censor myself when I sit down and write. I do think stem cell research done responsibly could bring a lot of hope to people with diseases like cancer. I don't know how I feel about all the moral and ethical issues involved since I am not well educated on the issue in general.

Anyway back to Thanksgiving. I am grateful for my health and the health of my partner and children. We are truly blessed and live a charmed life in many ways. I end up needing reminding CONSTANTLY that I should be grateful for what I have in my life. I sometimes think I have 2 dueling entities in me - my ego and my soul. They don't seem to want to get along and the ego thing loves that river of misery, just enough to keep me complaining. I hate complaining. Yet alas I complain. I even complain about complaining. ;-).

I am doing some minor promotion for "Light in August" when I have time. It appears to be the best received single I have released to date. If you like it (or not I guess) please consider leaving a review on the CDBaby.com or iTunes music store for me and telling your friends about it. I am a one man show and any little love I can gather makes me feel good and work harder at getting my music out there.

Well I have to assist putting my little guy to bed. Til next time!
Ciao,
Brent

New Single released

I have a new single out called "Light in August" which I am selling through cdbaby.com. The great thing about CDbaby is they get me into all these digital distribution channels like iTunes, etc. To hear and purchase the single on iTunes click here if you have iTunes installed. If the link doesn't work just search the music store for "Brent Roberts". The song features Amikaeyla Gaston and Marco Delmar as well as lil ole moi. I am very pleased with how it came out. I decided to release it with a self published book that I created on my iMac. It's amazing how professional one can look these days in media. It really breaks down the barriers that once made a certain few stars and the rest of us fans. Now I think we are all just potential creators.

My friend Tiffy girl was visiting this past few weeks because he was having problems with the Canadian border patrol. He lives in Toronto but works in the US and in the post 9/11 world apparently this is harder to do than one would think. He is coming back tomorrow for another few days before the whole thing is straightened out and he can go home. Maybe I will ask him if I can regal you with some of his tales while he is here. He is a born comedian and sharp as a tack as they used to say. ;-).

I sort of feel sorry for this guy Haggard who paid the "massage therapist" and bought some crystal meth in the process. Seems he didn't get the memo that his behavior was rather gay and was cavorting around town preaching the good word against those damn homos. Well maybe I don't feel too bad but I hope he can find himself through all the mess he left.

Well folks the mid term elections are next week. I just hope we can all trust the damn election system. Call me a conspiracy theorist but Patrick Kennedy's article a while back in Rolling Stone about the vote fraud just gives me chills. Please vote and be courageous.

Peace and more Peace,
Brent

Graveyard of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" spotted on 21st Street, NW

So I was heading to my doctor for my annual sinus infection in Dupont Circle yesterday and I came across the best Halloween decorations I have seen in a long time. It made me smile .. but a sad sardonic smile. American? Please vote for change.

Queer Republicans

Ok. So this morning I read this article with great interest in the Washington Post.


Hill Republicans Air Out the Closet

By Jose Antonio Vargas
In October 1993, after the ban on gays in the military was replaced with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, three Oklahoma congressmen said they wouldn't hire an openly gay person onto their staffs. Then-Rep. Jim Inhofe (R) told the Tulsa World: "I would not appoint a gay person in that type of...


So the mean old Republican Senators and Congresspersons aren't REALLY that homophobic in real life. Hey they have gay friends! Here's the simply explanation given to us by our gay brother David Duncan for this dangerous dichotomy:

"The reality is, these members are not homophobic. For the most part, they're using this marketing to play to our base and stay in power. They have to turn out the votes," said David Duncan, once a board member of the Lesbian and Gay Congressional Staff Association and a former top aide to Rep. Robert Ney (R-Ohio)."

Politics is not about leadership it seems among the old red Republicans. They would sooner serve us up on a skewer to get some votes and tell us privately it isn't us really. You're ok, but hey you know how it is. $#@% that %$#@!

This is why I am at least more fond of the Democrats. They try to stand for something of value and integrity about human beings - they don't use groups to blame and scapegoat. But no the republicans have gotten the Roger Ailes war book. Swiftboat veterans, gay marriage, those damn cut and run doves. The whole thing sucks. We are all Americans and they play about half the electorate like a violin to blame others who are ruingint this country so hey vote for ME! It's time some Republicans who are so gay tolerant got a freaking spine and told their constituents where to stick the prejudice and hatred. Perhaps a few votes are more important than a clear conscience.

Ciao.

Tired old queens

Somedays I ask myself... can a tired old queen keep doing 3 jobs to pay the man? Why is our super power industrial society which promised us all great freedom and leisure costing more and more money so the average person doesn't have time to read a book? I still want to read "The Overworked American" someday cover to cover but I think the whole premise is depressing. I work more than the farmers in the dark ages. Whoa. I need a change of something and I know from experience that it is just this. A change of mind. I/We have decided to make important that which is not. I/We have accepted that I can't earn a living without sacrifice and sweat and even then - god forbid we be too successful. I think the mind has so much power, everything we say, everything we think is coming together collectively to form what we accept as reality. Who made it? I/we did. Don't like it you tired old queen? Change it baby, change, it.

Getting It

So my very dear friend Alex Sanchez is in town this week and we went out for a late dinner at Clydes in Chevy Chase. He is touring for his newest book Getting It which I now have for my late night read. It looks to be a fantastic addition to his catalogue so look for my review here later. Alex and I have been friends and "art buddies" for 12-13 years now and I always look forward to catching up with him when he comes back through DC. He took the plunge 3 years ago to leave DC and live a full time writing life, living mostly in Thailand. I am always amazed that he has actualized his vision - to tell affirming stories about gay and lesbian people. His writings are subversive in their innocence and normalilty - giving gay teens a voice to identify with. I was a suicidal gay teen myself. It is not easy when who you are is regularly demonized around and in front of you so I applaud Alex for daring to state the truth about growing up gay so that others might not feel so alone.

Well - happy rainy Tuesday from DC pumpkins.

Ellie Belly

The lyrics to my latest ditty go something like this:

P-p-p-p-papa
Baby Baby Ellie
P-p-p-p-papa
Baby Baby Ellie
Ellie Ellie Belly

Yes I am a dad again and it is amazing. She smiles whenever I sing that one and all the stress of the year seems worth it.

I am still without my home studio in my new home but I have a lot of work left on the CD to complete with Marco so I am not feeling too blocked. Light in August should be out in a few days. CDBaby.com is going to carry it but I mainly want to get it digital. I made a really nice booklet on my Mac for it - and published it through iPhoto and am attaching the cd in the back. It is a bit like art - which is great fun for me. I am so tired of the music business and actually thank god I am approaching 40 and just want to make music for the %$#@ of it.

I heard 655,000 Iraqis have died in the war yesterday. People may think I am a pinko commie but I am so sure that there must be a better way.

Peace,
Brent

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday....

"Cuz your evil and you lie, and if you should die, I might feel slightly sad but I won't cry"

Ouch. Morrissey must have been in a really black mood the day he wrote that one.

I thought I was on the upswing until the last few weeks dropped some major stress in my lap. Let's just say renovating a house appears to be a horribly costly and wrong thing to do. I am weeks from finishing my home in DC and low and behold I am now in stop work order h.e.doubletoothpicks.

My second child, Ellie, is due to come home in April or May. I freak out at all the cash flowing the wrong way and then I have to take a deep breathe and listen to others who have REAL problems. Like illness. Like NO house except the hope for a FEMA trailer. Well I certainly have upper NW problems as they used to say in DC. So, I will find a way to get through and make it all work out and someday it will be in the past. Someday - oh yeah (I have juke box in my head - not sure what that tune is but I can TOTALLY hear it - can you?).

Meanwhile - today is my birthday. Please don't ask - let's say I am just shy of a major milestone and Teen Beat hasn't called for quite a LOOOONG time. So I went to see my dear old friend Dame Edna last night at the Warner Theatre. She asked me to tea after the final curtain but I was oh so busy, what with Heath Ledger eager to see the sites with me in the limo outside. Well ok, maybe not, but I did really go to the show possum and she was a hoot. Laughter is always helpful.

I also cancelled my next studio date (and my therapy, and my latte pilates classes, and my macrame, and my alpine slalom lessons) so I can squeak through this time. I am bummed to have to put the dates off because I was starting to see a finished CD for summer release. My last date I worked with Marco and Amikaeyla again and it was killer. I am so psyched about the album and I think I need to go back to my idea about putting out singles only until the songs pile up.

Well - writing this has somehow cheered me slightly. I am going to see a film tonight with my hubby and then a fantastic lavish dinner someplace akin to Arby's but with NICE tablecloths. :-) It's only money baby. It comes it goes and the energy of it is all that matters. Use it for good and don't try to hang on too tight.

I have to find out what the heck I want this blog to be. I really don't know yet - but hey thanks for reading it.