Saturday, December 16, 2006

All losses are connected - farewell to Roscoe


I have heard this saying many times and felt it too. Today I lost my beloved chocolate cocker spaniel Roscoe. We met at an adoption show for the Cocker Spaniel rescue league in 2000. I picked him right away and was so thrilled to give him a home. I was newly single at the time and had moved into my very first condo in the Adams Morgan area of DC. I needed a new companion and wanted to give a dog a shot who might have otherwise had it rough. Roscoe was a character, very warm and loving and driven by his nose and incredible knack to find FOOD at any moment. He had horrible allergies when I first got him and he kept me up 100s of nights scratching. He is the reason that I met my husband in 2000. I used to walk him around the block and Bradley lived nearby and we saw each other on dog walks. He finally got the nerve to ask me out one night and we have been together through thick and thin ever since. Roscoe had a very hard end of life and I am sad but relieved that he is finally free. He had gone blind a year ago and lost one eye. He had ear infections that just got worse and worse. I know he is in a better place and I would like to send him all the love he gave me over the years. I recall other losses in this moment. Pets - John John, Tina, Babe and even Fritz my hamster from way way back. Also losses of loved ones, friends and acquaintances come to mind - Grandma Marge, Grandpa Fritz, Grandpa Bruce, Mark, Great grandma Mayme, Dave Summers, Walter, David who died 9/11, and countless AIDS fatalities from my circle of friends in the late 80s. All moments are gifts. We are all destined to move on from this place. We don't want to acknowledge this for the most part. But I think real freedom comes from embracing it.

I felt guilty also for a moment today at the vet for being so sad. I was crying over my decrepit old dog. There are people being bombed every day in other parts of this messed up world. But my guilt quickly fled. I can feel their loss too. I can maintain the compassion and human dignity that means in the face of even the most brutal violence and hatred, all souls matter. And for me loss is best dealt with by letting it wash over me like waves. It is ok to have a life where animals are precious. It is not ok that there are people who are so wounded by violence that nothing is precious. My my compassion that Roscoe taught me extend to comfort those victimized by wars, crimes, and hatred near and far.

Peace up Roscoe. I love you.